OOC: Feel fre to post constructive criticism about my story.

Chapter 1: Pokemon Jewel

John looked out of his bedroom window and sighed. His football match had been canceled because of the thunderstorm. The wind rattled the windows and small pieces of hail fell from the sky, leaving bruises on anyone stupid enough to be outside. Lightning flashed now and again and several bolts had hit trees. He wouldn't be surprised if it turned into a hurricane.
Turning away from the scene outside, John decided to make the best of it. At least he could play his new game. It was called Pokemon Jewel and it was a mix of all the games so far. You started off as a trainer in Pallet Town and select a pokemon. Then you travel across the many regions and catch every pokemon there is.
This game wasn't even out yet, but his cousin worked for the company that was making the games and managed to get one for him. Some of the new features included a much much wider selection of starter pokemon and a whole new story line. You could also challenge the Orange Islands and the Battle Frontier. It had a lot of other features too. Basically, it was the best game ever.
John put the game into his DS and turned it on. He loaded one of his old games and started playing. That was another new feature. You could have up to ten files. In this particular file, John had chosen a mankey for his starter pokemon. He was in the last round of the Sinnoh League but he had been stuck on one of the trainers for weeks. Most of the persons pokemon were weak but he had an invincible nidoking.
John beat the dugtrio and teddiursa with no problems as usual, and then the trainer sent out his nidoking. It took out his ivysaur and steelix with no problem. Then John sent out his rhydon. In sheer desperation he clicked horn drill, expecting it to miss like usual. But miraculously, it hit. The nidoking fainted, defeated for the first time.
John was delighted for a moment but then the trainer sent out the only pokemon he had that John hadn't seen. A mewtwo. By sheer coincidence, a bolt of lightning struck the roof of the house. It travelled along the wires and into the recharger that he had forgotten to take out of the DS.
Jolted by the electric shock, mewtwo turned toward him. It pointed a fibnger toward John and something started to happen. A dark spot appeared on the screen and started to expand, covering the entire DS. Curious, John leant forward to see what was wrong and next thing he knew, he was falling through a dark pit that seemed endless. Suddenly, he saw a bright light below him. He shielded his eyes as he rushed toward it and then everything went black.

Chapter 2: The Real World?

John woke up and looked around. He wasn't in his room anymore. His football posters were gone and in their place were pictures of pokemon battles and type advantage charts. There was one of Bruno, a member of the elite four who had given John his doduo in the game. He looked around and wondered where he was.
Suddenly a blonde woman burst through the door and started speaking to him. "You're not up yet? Oh don't tell me you forgot that today is when you set out on your journey with mankey.". John didn't understand a lot of this and he didn't recognize the woman but he did remember the word mankey. He turned around and there, on his pillow, lay mankey.
John wasn't sure what had happened but he listened to this woman who seemed to think that she was his mom, and got dressed in a zombie like state. He ate some breakfast and then his "Mom" shooed him out of the house with mankey. He saw a huge building opposite the house he had just left and instinctivly walked toward it. He read a sign saying "Prof. Oak's Lab." and knew where he was. He was in the game.
John walked away from the lab and thought about it. He was inside the game. That meant that pokemon were real and that he was going to travel along the different regions and challenge gym leaders. He sighed heavily. He supposed it would make sense that he would exit the game after he completed it. It would be a long time before he did that.
Suddenly there was a shout from behind him. He turned around and saw a girl around his age running from the lab with a pokeball. Chasing after her was Prof. Oak and one of the aids. John knew instantly what was going on. In this game your rival tried to steal a pokemon but fails. Then he steals it later on.
Guessing that he should stop the girl, John told mankey to use covet. Mankey obeyed and attacked the girl. Thanks to the power of covet, he managed to steal the pokeball off of the girl. He threw it back to John who walked over and gave it to Prof. Oak.
Cursing, the girl ran away down the path. The aid followed her but came back empty handed. The girl had escaped. For a minute Prof. Oak seemed dissapointed but then he cheered up. "At least this young boy saved the nidoran. Cme over here. What's your name?" he said cheerfully. John told him and Oak smiled even more. He walked back to his lab and gestured for John to follow him.
The lab was a lot bigger than in the games. The inside was different too. There were aids rushing about and strange test tubes. An aid rushed past, shouting "Take porygon-2 to the testing chamber. We're going to try and fix those upgrades that went wrong.".
John followed Oak to a table and looked around. There were pokeballs all over the place. There was also a table with small red devices. He guessed that they were pokedexes and then he noticed something. They looked just like his DS. He ignored that as Oak started talking to him.
"Thank you for saving that pokemon. As a reward, I'll let you have another pokemon. I've already chosen one out for you. Oh, and here are your pokeballs and pokedex." he said calmly. Just then, a growlithe ran up with a okeball in it's mouth. "Ah thank you growlithe." Prof. Oak said as he tooh the ball from it.
"This is your new pokemon John, enjoy it.". John took it with shaking hands and opened it up. Materialising in a beam of light, was a piplup. It looked around in confusion for a moment before John picked it up. Something about this trainer's grip calmed piplup down and he quickly fell asleep.

Suggestions:
-Spellcheck everything. "Dissapointed?" "Cme?" A quick proofreading would help.
-Proper nouns. Pokemon names are all proper nouns: Growlithe is always capitalized, as is Mewtwo.
-Choppy sentences. Better use of commas would vastly improve the flow of your story, instead of breaking it apart every half dozen words with a period. Google "how to use commas" or something like that for a better explanation than I could ever give you if you're interested in learning about that.

Otherwise, I like it so far. The idea is interesting, if a bit overdone, so I'll keep an eye on how the plot progresses.

Pretty much what Hex said. :XD:

Please reply to my PM about this, darren.